Thursday, October 4

I cried a little today. I guess that's a weird thing to start out with, but I don't like to cry and don't do it often. It's not because of homesickness or any sort of personal problem. Last night I read a chapter of Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (not required texts, just reading on my own). He talked about his visit to Iraq and spending time with Christians there during the war. It really hit home hearing stories about being bombed all the time and the suffering that's going on. I think for the first time in my life, war was real to me. It wasn't something that was far off to people I don't know about. Well it was, but it touched my heart and I just couldn't quit thinking about people going through such struggles while I lay in my comfortable bed, in my own room, with warm clothes and plenty of food. Today, it hit home again. Our speaker was a Nicaraguan woman who works at the Costa Rican emabassy. She told the story of the Nicaraguan national guard (trained by US Marines) who came into her home in the middle of the night as a child, beat her dad and her mom, and took her dad away. My mind is racing with all these thoughts and just wondering, how was I born into such a lucky home in such a blessed place? Hearing all these stories of war, personal stories, I just don't undestand the reason why it's so easy and so common to pick up weapons against each other. We fight in the name of God, in the name of defending our country, but what are we really defending? This world is a messed up, cruel place, and I can't believe that I have become so comfortable in it. That being said, I am getting thrown out of my comfort zone in 4 days when we leave for Nicaragua. I found out today that I'm staying in a little village, I forget the name, with 3 other LASPers. It is a rural, conservative town, where I will probably wear skirts everyday, use the bathroom outside, and maybe even bathe in a river. I guess this is a little random and I don't know if it makes sense, but I just needed to get some thoughts out. So there you have it. I won't have internet access for 2 weeks in Nicaragua so I'll have a lot to catch you up on. Until then...